Four steps to resuming a healthy sex life after cancer

A healthy sex life is important to many people, but it can be difficult to achieve, especially after a diagnosis of cancer. Achieving and maintaining healthy sex often requires communication, education, and sometimes the help of a trained professional. As the Chief of Radiation Oncology at Newnan Hospital, Georgia, I treat all parts of the body and specialize in pelvic malignancies. He often asks me how cancer patients can cope with the challenges of intimacy.

Step by step guide

So I wanted to share some of the things I’ve learned and some of the things I tell patients about sex. I’ve found that it all comes down to four basic steps:

Step one: communicate. Before making real progress, couples should take some time to think and remember why sex is special and what they really miss about it. The intimacy of sex enhances the bond through passion, love and most of all acceptance. Patients may feel insecure about some changes in their body, or they may worry that they no longer enjoy or even deserve acceptance from their partners. A great first step in treating your physical relationship is for these couples to discuss their common desire to be together. If they can restore intimacy and comfort in the romantic moments, that makes the physical challenges much easier to deal with as a team.

Step Two: Rehabilitate the intimate relationship. During this delicate time, it can be helpful and less stressful to think of sex as “just another body system.” In the field of physical therapy, you encourage restorative steps, push boundaries, and set realistic expectations. Sex and intimacy are no different, and it is important to rejoice in every victory, big or small. For intimate therapy to be successful, you must schedule time and develop realistic goals. Little by little, you are working to return to the physical function you had before. Medications and devices can help, too, and there’s nothing to be angry or ashamed of.

Step three: buy time. Make time for intimate moments on your calendar or develop a tradition to spark intimacy on certain nights. Yes, you can also enjoy as much spontaneous intimacy as you want, but set a minimum of twice a week for intimate games, but not necessarily for sex. If you’re having sex that’s great, but that’s not the point, so you’re not a failure if you don’t have sex. The goal is to rebuild the intimacy in your relationship using time and collaboration as tools. Sex is a great way to achieve intimacy, but it’s not the only way, and there are many types of sex. Succeed in intimacy together and celebrate that victory. Rejoice in the proximity and talk about it. There is no pressure because you cannot fail in intimacy. As you progress through rehabilitation, you may need health professionals to support you. Consider hiring doctors who can talk to you candidly about it, without making you feel uncomfortable.

Step Four: Customize Your Plan. There are many options available for you to discuss with your doctor, including mini blue pills, vaginal dilators, pumps, injections, and all kinds of creams. These choices may seem like the intimacy of a sexual encounter sucks, but not if you and your partner create a strong, frequent foundation for intimacy. Building this foundation will make medical interventions around sexual function a shared experience.

Couples who rehabilitate intimacy together are couples who have a good chance of having good sex. Perhaps most importantly, they are also the ones who most often describe the results as really great sex.